Meltha Magazine Online

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1998, Volume 4, No. 1(8), page 16

STILL IN QUEST

My name is Mary Rafaelovna Manukjan- Yukhanova. I was born in January 25th 1960 in Tbilisi. Married with two children.

Our mother had to raised my elder brother Andrej and I all by herself. Poverty and misery, but belief in God and everlasting hope carried us through all those many years. I finished school in the time of stagnation, in the late 70s. I was at the State ballet school named after V. Chabukiani in 1970 to 1975. A talented ballerina did not become of me, but I studied poetry, history, literature and any other art. I took it very bad when I had to quit school where ignorance and corruption prevailed. So I was dejected and began to write my 'first childhood's memoirs. Then I tried to find peace in me and in some images found in the works by Dostoevsky, Gogol, Dreiser, in the lyrical poems by Pushkin and Lermontov. Especially I found close to me the images and characters in Dostoevsky's works, which never fade away. Their Christian's meekness and devotion show the light too many from the wayside of life. Of course I am Assyrian, but my early outlook was shaped from the cultural images created by Russian classics. In the 70s we even could not dream of reading the Gospel. But I was looking for something good, big and truest like the core of every- thing. Something I did not understand but felt vague. Soon I happened to meet a Catholic missionary, a secret preaching woman from Latvia. When we got together we liked to talk ~ of God so I felt it bring me closer to Christ and Catholic Church. Many Assyrians were attending this Church. Luckily I was not a member of the Young Communists League so I was not afraid to challenge the ignorant and atheistic world around me. I was miserable but I really did not feel it. In terms of my inner world pursuits I was satisfied indeed. I liked to come to a confession regularly. I did not miss a religious holiday or Sunday mass. So I permanently was searching something inside of me.

I took a decision to see my " A Flower of a Thousand Leaves" published after it had a very positive review from Rabbi Marona Arsanis a well-respected educator and writer as well. His kind review instilled in me a .new faith in my art. I am grateful to him to the latter day. Having spoken with Julietta Bet- Kaplan I made some alternations and here is its final version I send you now.

Mary Manukjan- Yukhanova Tbilisi (Georgia)